Vampire Diaries Recap EP314 “Dangerous Liaisons” Too Much Pretty to Handle

Thursday’s episode had so much pretty, I thought my heart would explode. I’ve never seen so many pretty men in tuxedos under one roof before. What I would have KILLED to be on set during that episode shoot. Lord. Anyway, it was one hell of an episode, and it gave the Stefan/Elena fans a spark of hope. (Also, the universe has been SO good to us to give the fans these awesome EW covers and pictures. It’s a great week!) So, grab your bottles of wine, or glasses of lemonade/smoothies for the children, and enjoy the pretty men in tuxedos!

Previously on The Vampire Diaries: All the relationships ever on Vampire Diaries end horribly. MAMA ESTHER CAME OUT THE COFFIN. Basically.

This first scene convinces me that Matt and Elena will probably be endgame and all the shippers in the world will be bitter. And I’m okay with that because Matt is perfect. (Although, sometimes I do like Elena/Death but this will do.) He’s great for visiting the hospital to check on Alaric with Elena. Plus, looks like that psycho human killer is creeping on them too. (This is turning into a supernatural version on Days of Our Lives. I’m worried for Matt.) And this is my favorite part, Rebekah attacks Elena! But Elijah’s crush on that child is ruining my life, I wanted Rebekah to slap Elena.

There’s some awkwardness in the Gilbert house when Elena tells Damon and Stefan about Esther being alive, plus the fact that they’re arguing over who gets to protect Elena at this Originals ball. Y’all are five year olds! Stefan is the better choice anyway, and the Originals always like him better. And, it’s really creepy Esther wants to talk to Elena, considering the fact she almost killed her once. Too bad she didn’t succeed. (Lol, jk jk.). Also, the “Mikaelson” family? So much for Original.

Kol is pretty. And Klaus is pretty mad and tired of these fools in his house. Which is funny. But what’s not funny is a thousand-something year old hybrid has ran off to his MOMMY to complain about his brother and sister. You are the baddest, horrible villan in Mystic Falls and you cry to your mommy about how your siblings are acting? Sir.

My heart melted a little bit at that Tyler voicemail. Poor Caroline. Also, Caroline’s invitation put’s Elena’s invitation to SHAME.

“Well, I think a Salvatore would look a lot better in a tux, and by Salvatore I mean Stefan.” You see, even Caroline agrees Stefan is the better choice. And, it goes to show you how ashamed Elena is of kissing Damon she never actually told anyone about the kiss – Damon slipped it on Bonnie and Bonnie told Caroline – yet, Caroline reminds her that Elena called her the second she and Matt kissed years ago. Mhm. “Get over yourself, Elena. It’s not all about you.” 10 points to Slytherin for that line from Rebekah!

Aaaaannd, the pretty begins! As much as Damon irks me, he looks damn good in a tux. So does Kol. Which gave another 10 points to Slytherin for the “I’ve met a lot of people, and you don’t particularly stand out” line. Everyone disobeyed everyone to be at the ball. (Very important: Note the way Stefan asks Elena to put her arm around his, her reaction to that, and the way Damon asks and her reaction to him. Damon looks reluctant to give her an escort and she looked annoyed to even put her arm on his. Stefan is the classiest brother EVER despite the circumstances life puts him through.)

The pretty continues! Caroline looks gorgeous! “Good evening”. “I need a drink”. Stay classy, Care.

Elena meets Finn, and he says that Esther wants to meet with her alone.

Look at all the pretty on that staircase! The fact that the CW has yet to start an Originals spin-off baffles me. But, Elijah is the classiest. And the brothers look so purdy. Yet, Damon needs to stop being so protective of Elena and let her do what she wants every now and then. Stefan was never like that. Speaking of Stefan, did y’all SEE his FACE when Damon took Elena to dance! That poor boy is breaking my heart. I’m starting to warm up to this new Klaus and Caroline potential relationship, though. “He dances. And I didn’t even have to beg”. MY HEART. “He needs to figure out that you can look out for yourself”. Stefan is always the better choice.

As hard as it is to concentrate because Paul Wesley is just beautiful, this entire conversation melts my heart a little. You can just tell how much Stefan wants to do something for Elena to possibly show her there’s still something in there, but he won’t say anything or tell her he loves her because he thinks it’s better that way. Sigh, that jerk. I just wanted him to say “I love you” and make up! “When we were together, you used to let me make my own decisions. You trusted me. After all this, at least that hasn’t changed.” And I KNOW that wasn’t put in there just because, especially if you notice the way Damon treats her in this episode.

Rebekah wants to kill Matt? And wants Kol’s help? I don’t like her right now.

Stefan is such a BAMF. Look at him take down Damon in 3 seconds. He’s obviously the stronger brother, too. Now, do it again!

THE PRETTY. I need to see Gillies wear a tux more often. When are the Founder’s parties? That hasn’t happened again since season 1, right? Or did it happen in season 2 but I just blocked it out? Oh well. Elijah’s being sketchy though, he wants Elena to tell him want Esther tells Elena. Oh.

Anyway, that’s Finn. What’s he doing in there, though? The Originals are all sketchy. So, remember that witch who said she wouldn’t help Esther make her family into vampires? Well, she’s Bonnie’s ancestor and that’s why only Abby and Bonnie could open the coffin. Bennett’s are not ALL badass, because Esther drew power from them and their ancestors on the other side. AND, ~plot twist~, she’s not really there because she wants all of them to be a big happy family like the Brady Bunch, she wants to kill Klaus! She needs Elena help to do that, and when you need Elena’s blood for anything, it’s never a good thing. BUT, here’s another plot twist, this ritual links ALL the Originals together so if one dies, they ALL die. And I don’t want that to happen! I JUST got Elijah and Rebekah back, and Kol is pretty! So, after this, I dub Esther “Witch Bitch”. (Excuse me for that, but it’s NOT a good thing that my favorites may die.)

This is so random, you guys. Why does Klaus have a horse outside? And did he just tell her that he fancies her? Oh god, I think I like this new love interest. Caroline is extra bitchy to Klaus, and I still like that too.

Cry me a freaking river, Damon. Get over yourself, too. Yes, you’re the problem now. Being a controlling dick is not a good thing.

Matt is the SWEETEST. Look at him giving Rebekah his coat and being all gentlemen-like. And Rebekah being all “I’m a vampire, we don’t need coats and whatnot – oh, you’re being a polite human and making sure I’m warm. I like you”.

Elena lies! No! Stop it, tell Elijah about her plan and stop this foolishness! And then, bam. They ALL drink it. Even though I would have known there was something up with Elena because she has the biggest tell on her face. Never play poker, Elena.

Look at this: the man is the scariest, baddest, evil “Big Bad” and he likes horses, he can draw, and is actually the most adorable vampire. Klaus is the worst Big Bad ever. But he sure says all the right things! Jewelry, trips, take me! But, Caroline isn’t buying it. She just doesn’t like him because of what he did to Tyler. And she kind of makes a point.

Kol is very pretty, but he’s too rude. Leave Matt and Rebekah!

This scene sucks so bad for Elena. Only because Damon is being a jerk. He’s that boyfriend (or whatever) who wants to dictate when you can do things and where they can be done and with who. He’s basically the controlling dick douchewad boyfriend Stefan said he was earlier. And because you love her is a lame excuse. Stefan loves her just as much, most likely more than he does, and he has always let her make her own choices. Stefan might have kept a few things from her until she found out on her own, but he never controlled her.

Kol broke Matt’s hand! Damon knows Matt’s name AND he kinda-sorta saved Matt! But, Damon threw Kol over a balcony at the Original’s party which pretty much makes him crazy again. And it’s kind of better than being whipped for all of season 2 and 3.

Poor Caroline. But look at the pretty things Klaus leaves for her! Such a beautiful picture of Caroline and that random horse.

I want an Originals spin-off SO bad but not with Esther being such a twat! And WAIT, Finn is actually in on the whole plan!? But why does she need his blood? What is going on here? Look at the CGI they’re using on Esther and all Bonnie gets is damn candles! CW is racist. (I kid, don’t sue me! I’m only 17!)

Oh, you guys! This next scene makes my heart drop. “Their family has brought you nothing but darkness, Elena. It is that simple”. Oh Stefan, you’re the best boyfriend ever. I really hope Elena stops being bi-polar and supports what Stefan does. “Do you think I wanna be this person? I hurt you, Elena. I bit you. I hate myself for what I did to you”. “Then show it!” GLASS CASE OF EMOTIONS. Girl, it’s about time you start fighting again! I do recall you saying that would never give up on him at the beginning of the season! Start showing THAT, too! But, right now, I don’t think it would be good for them to be together again. Stefan needs to time to heal and Elena needs time to stop being a jerk!

WAIT. Is no one worried about Matt not having health insurance in a town full of vampires, hybrids, and witches? Poor Matty! I wanted that to work out for them. But, OH. Look at that, Damon and Rebekah. Wait, if all the Originals are linked together, can they feel what Rebekah’s feeling right now? Is Damon having a five-some? These are the questions that haunt my mind. I don’t approve of it, though.

Next week: Elena gets kidnapped! What a shock! This has never happened before!

Who do you think deserves MVP? It’s a tough one, but I’m giving it to Paul Wesley (not a surprise there, he OWNS this season), and Joseph Morgan. I’ll also give it to Daniel Gillies because he’s pretty and I like Elijah. But, if Stefan’s subtle looks at Elena at the ball or his reactions to their conversations don’t convince you that Paul is the best actor on the show, you’re heart is made of stone. And Joseph should just never be allowed to pout or be sad, ever.